I love being a military girlfriend. I love my soldier and all the craziness that comes with his career and lifestyle.
But I have a confession … Sometimes, I feel like a total outsider.
Having grown up in a military family, I know what the lifestyle is like. I understand deployments and moving and missing out on holidays and birthdays. But somehow, the lack of a ring on my finger and sharing a last name makes it seem like my relationship isn’t as “real” as others.
A few military spouses I’ve met have welcomed me with open arms, offering to be there whenever I need them, treating me like any other significant other – married or not. But, most of the time, I feel like the nerdy girl wistfully looking through the window at a party, just wishing someone would invite me in.
It certainly doesn’t help that I’m a fairly introverted person, or that I live an hour away, but one of the things I loved about being part of a military family was that instant connection. The “we’re all in this together” and “I’ve been there, done that, so if you need help or have a question, just ask” mentality. In reality, it feels more like “You guys aren’t married yet? Oh, sorry. You’re not cool enough to hang out with us” and “This event/group/party is just for spouses.”
For someone who grew up in the military and saw the intense camaraderie, this is heartbreaking. Shouldn’t this be seen as an opportunity for military spouses to step in and be mentors and help girlfriends really understand military life? Thankfully, I feel as though I’m well prepared for my soldier’s upcoming deployment – even if I have to do it on my own, without support from an FRG or spouse’s group. But what about the girls who know nothing about the military?
Perhaps I’m being idealistic, but weren’t all military spouses at one time girlfriends and fiances?
Just something to think about.
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
Girl, you’re in the party just as much as the rest of us!
Erika @ chambanachik recently posted..A Full Heart
Thank you, Erika!
Girlfriends are part of the sisterhood just as much as spouses , in my opinion. I think sometimes they might have a harder time for they don’t have access to all the same resources that we do. I believe they get a bum rap and many don’t deserve it. I know a few “bad” Army girlfriends that are no longer but that doesn’t mean all of them are.
Welcome to the sisterhood Jessica!
Tango recently posted..I’ve been keeping something from you …
Thank you! It is hard when some view you as a “passing fling” even though they don’t even know you. So glad to have met so many spouses who don’t prematurely judge!
Jessica (@DeploymentDivas) recently posted..You do what you gotta do.
I know how you feel! My hubby and I were only married 3 weeks before he left for his deployment, and I’m not sure I’ll be able to even see him before I start the fall semester of school. I still feel like a girlfriend, not a wife. We live 13 hours away from each other and I don’t live really anywhere near a military base of any kind, so it’s hard for me to find that physical camaraderie. I feel like once I graduate and make the move to wherever he’s based I’m going to be in for a culture shock. I can only hope my fellow navy wives (and girlfriends, fiancés, boyfriends, husbands) will take me in so readily as those I’ve met in the virtual world! We’re all together in this Jessica!
Meagan, I’m sure they will! You’ve always got us
((hugs))
Jessica (@DeploymentDivas) recently posted..You do what you gotta do.
I totally understand what you are saying here as sometimes I feel the same way because I’m a Reserve wife. There is absolutely no support from my husband’s unit, no FRG, no “welfare checks” when he was activated and “deployed”. While his “deployment” was stateside, he was still hours from home on the trail as a Drill Sergeant and I was responsible for maintaining everything at home and working a full time job. Fortunately, I had the incredible support of an organization I am heavily involved in and I have had experience as a military wife since 1985 in the active and reserve side of the things, both Army and Navy. Out of respect for this blog and the creators I won’t “advertise” another organization but would be more than happy to share with you via email if you would like. Heck, you may already know about it! Hope you have a great day and know there are those of us that welcome you!
Paula,
I’d love to hear about that! You can email me at deploymentdivas@gmail.com
Jessica (@DeploymentDivas) recently posted..You do what you gotta do.
I’m sorry there is that attitude toward military girlfriends. We were all girlfriends once, like you said! Just because there isn’t a ring doesn’t mean there isn’t love and that a piece of your heart isn’t missing when they deploy. I always feel bad for the girlfriends because they don’t have the same supports and benefits as wives when their Soldiers leave. But in my opinion, a military girlfriend is just as much part of the family as any one else!
The New “Normal” recently posted..A Day in Honor of My Sanity
I felt the same way before my husband and I got married in March. I think the hardest part is his friends wives not wanting to spend time with you because they don’t know if you’ll be around a while or not and I get where they’re coming from with that but at a the sametime it makes you feel bad and left out. I was lucky enough to have one navy wife that was my friend, although she and her husband turned out to be totally crazy at least I had a friend for a short period of time. Even being married
I still ask my husband if he has friends with wives around my age which doesn’t happen often due to him being on a small boat and being one of the youngest guys on it and the fact that I’m young myself (19 in August). I’ve managed to get by hanging out with my high school friends (thankfully I’m living where I grew up) but sometimes you need someone in your situation too.
I’m new to this pants thing but I’m hoping it will give me inspiration and insite into my new life!
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